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Some guys at Stanford invited me to speak at their EE Computer Systems Colloquium last week. Pretty cool, eh? It was quite an honor. I wound up giving a talk on dynamic languages: the tools, the performance, the history, the religion, everything. It was a lot of fun, and it went over surprisingly well, all things considered. They've uploaded the video of my talk, but since it's a full hour, I figured I'd transcribe it for those of you who want to just skim it. This is the first time I've transcribed a talk. It's tricky to decide how faithful to be to my spoken wording and phrasing. I've opted to try to make it very faithful, with only minor smoothing. Unfortunately I wound up using continuation-passing style for many of my arguments: I'd occasionally get started on some train of thought, get sidetracked, and return to it two or three times in the talk before I finally completed it. However, I've left my rambling as-is, modulo a few editor's